Not good. 18,538. Sorry it took me so long to report this.
I was devastated for about ten minutes but then, surprisingly, I felt so much better, exhausted but better.
It has been a hell of a week. Every time I anticipated a test, or a test result, I would be doubled over with nausea for hours. Not the kind of nausea where I'd actually expect to throw up, not the kind of nausea where I'd get my hopes up about the pregnancy (though I did get my hopes up anyway), but the kind of nausea like someone's boot in my gut, like the week after my first husband admitted he was having an affair, like I can hardly breathe and the only cure is sobbing, sobbing my guts out (which I did, several times).
I will not have a D&C. I will not take misoprostol/cytotec. I will not blame myself for this misfortune in any way.
I will garden. And swim. And walk my dog. And paint. And make beautiful salads. And count my blessings, of which there are many. And Babies or Not, life will go on.