Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Beta One

I got my first hCG count today: 16924. According to my calculations, this was at 6 weeks 6 days pregnant. The lab lists the six-to-eight week normal as anywhere between 15,000 and 200,000. So yes, I'm in the range. It's low but I'm in the range. I was told not to assign any meaning to this number unless it was drastically off target. It is tomorrow's number (which I'll receive on Friday) that will give us a clue.

I expected today's number would be low, though possibly in range. And I expect tomorrow's number will also be low.  For those of you who haven't ridden the fertility roller coaster, in a healthy pregnancy, tomorrow's number should be double yesterday's.

Wouldn't it be cool if I could come back to tell you 36,000? That a second ultrasound reveals all is well? I would love to give hope to those of you reading this who are worried about your own pregnancies. Though I still have moments of hopefulness, I must admit, I've mostly resigned myself to believing it's all but over. I am expecting to hear a number in the range of 12,000 to 17,500.

I've had to slog through some dark emotions, but I'm doing it. The brightest spot of the day today was realizing that this too shall pass. Funny how easy it is to lose sight of this fact. I will move through this, put it behind me, and go forward to embrace the myriad blessings that are my life.


Paula said...

You may feel it's all but over, but I feel hopeful for you, despite your history. You're in the range, which is good. It's very possible that it's too early to see a fetal pole and heartbeat. So nothing terrible has been said yet.

We all see things through our own experiences. I once had a dreadful u/s technician very early in a pregnancy. She repeatedly said hmmmm, asked me to roll this way and that, asked me if I'd had any bleeding, and once actually left me lying there with the ultrasound wand ... ummm ... in place, while she found someone else to take a look. To make a long story short, my hopeless feelings turned into a successful pregnancy, and the result is a 7-year-old boy who is sleeping soundly in the next room.

I hope your second blood test comes back with reassuring results. I know that it goes against our grain and our experiences to get our hopes up, but I'm hoping for you.

Emily said...

just a quick reminder that once your levels get that high, they dont double up as fast. agian I know the limbo, and I know how it sucks. Ive always just wanted to crawl right out of my skin.

Panamahat said...

I hate how long these couple of days always take.

megan said...

Thinking of you - hoping for good news.

Suzanne said...

Yes, the often day days to double at this level. That is a good point. I'd definitely seek another opinion with the ultrasound. I had to run around the city where I live to get answers once and they were all different - one was healthy and the other was "no way". It depends on so many factors and sometimes you can have a bad ultrasound. Will you have another soon - the blood test might show it going up but the best predictor is seeing growth in the fetus. And if you can remember, get the progesterone checked.

I've seen so many things that turned out fine and so many things that looked great, turn out not so fine.

So you are again in limbo and I'm sorry. Getting an doppler from a hospital or other doctor might be a good idea. Just a stronger ultrasound - that helped me and the only thing it can do is put you out of the misery of limbo. For better or for worse. That is the worst place to be....


Anonymous said...

I don't want to sound like Ms. Suzy Sunshine, but here are a few thoughts:

1) My RE told me that week 6 was a terrible time to get an u/s because things are so small that it is often hard to see everything. He will do one but says blood levels are more reliable until week 7.5-8.

2) Your beta is good. Don't worry about low or high.

This helped me:

3) This too shall pass. This is out of your control and you are doing all that you can do. What will be will be.

My thoughts are with you, Amy.

AmyE said...

Sending many good thoughts today and hoping the news is good! Also just wanted to echo that at this point numbers don't double anymore, just rise.

Sam said...

Sitting here fretting for you, hoping for the best.

Mel @ The Preconceptionist said...

I'm still hoping for you! Thanks for sharing your experience.