No news is good news.
Or maybe no news is just plain torture?
Still staining, off and on, but no red blood.
Breast tenderness, on rare occasion, and cramps increasing, and then going away, and then increasing, and then going away.
This morning I woke up feeling like someone is pressing their thumb into my stomach - a sign I usually associate with pregnancy.
I'm afraid to get my hopes up.
I'm afraid to go get my HCG levels checked, afraid I'll miscarry while awaiting test results – as if the gods like a cruel joke and are just waiting to sting me with hard reality.
I go through the day, coping. And then I get a call from a friend telling me how deeply she loves me, that she supports me and however I'm handling what I'm going through, that she'd do anything to help, make me lunch, clean my bathroom, call in others to support me too, accompany me to the doctor... and I am awash in tears. Why do I assume I must go through this alone?