Tuesday, May 11, 2010

In Pursuit of "Normal"

Here's the thing: I am an expert on miscarriage, on the signs and symptoms — at least my signs and symptoms — of a miscarriage on the way. But I have no idea what is "normal." I put that word in quotes because I know there's no such thing, no single definition. Every woman has her own story, sometimes multiple stories, as each pregnancy comes with its own parameters.

So what should I think when I'm nauseous, off and on, for two days, and then a day goes by with no more than a tinge of heartburn? Is that cause for alarm? Or is that normal?

One thing I know is that it's heartbreaking to cling to fading symptoms. I must move forward with the day, the week, life. Breathe breathe breathe.


Just me said...

I'm feeling this same way lately.

However, with my last miscarriage, I had symptoms even after there was no heartbeat.

It's so hard not to over-analyze every single little thing, and not to worry about what is going on in there when there is no way to know.

Hang in there. I'm really hoping that this is it for you. :)

Anonymous said...

Ditto to what "Just me" said.

You're doing great, keep it up.


Glitteryfish said...

It's so hard isn't it - you'd give anything to have an early sign everything is ok. I think we should have been created with a viewing panel on our abdomen's! ( major design flaw that one!)

To be honest the feelings and symptoms I had with my first two pregnancies (which miscarried before 12 weeks) were identical in every way to my third successful pregnancy, I even had bleeding with all of them. Things stayed like that right up to week 8 third time around when I started puking like a woman possessed.

Nothing I can say will help you relax but your pregnancy this time just feels different to me.

Hugs B xx

Anonymous said...

each pregnancy is different. the sameness is knowing there IS a difference in your body. waves of nausea, no nausea, cramps, no cramps. food cravings or not. i've been pregnant 8 times and lost 7 of them - first trimester, 2nd trimester, blighted ovum, ectopic. with hormone supplements or not. injections of blood thinners, baby aspirin or not. each one was different.

the one thing that i do recommend? keep moving as usual. no need to rehash negative feelings (really, does it make you feel better?) eat what you can, keep exercising. i ran throughout it all, exercised and ate what i could, took my vitamins when i remembered.

i do have a son, at the age of 42 (started at 38). ran through the pregnancy, but cut my mileage down. told people when i comfortable (which was week 30). no extras (not even baby aspirin), no heroics (injections, therapy). worked (i'm a scientist in a mostly male environment at a very major university.) until the day before i delivered. completely normal birth, which was a csection due to a cord issue.

the lost pregnancies? ashes of multiple heartaches. things to ponder, but i don't dwell on them. despite it all, i've never considered myself infertile - actively or formerly. i felt if i took on such a label, i'd encourage a self fulfilling prophecy, and it was something i didn't feel was truly defining of myself.

good luck. focus on your life, your art, your family. it will come.

Anonymous said...

For me, the nausea comes and goes, especially at first. I also didn't get any symptoms until about weeks 6 or 7. I have been puking this time from week 6 until 29 weeks, which is much longer that my first pregnancy.

My point is that "normal," at least when it comes to pregnancy, will vary woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy.

Have you tried acupuncture? I did it my first trimester for "pregnancy support" and major anxiety. It helped a lot.