Friday, May 07, 2010

Another Roll of the Dice

On the bright side: I did get a high BBT yesterday, the day following my low one. (For those of you who don't know - the subtleties of a woman's temperature reading upon first waking in the morning can indicate where she is in her menstrual cycle. A higher temperature means hormones are shifting towards supporting a pregnancy. Lower readings mean hormones have shifted toward supporting menstruation. But it's not an exact science, and you're right, Emily, I'm stopping. In fact, I've stopped.

And I refuse to run to the doctor for blood tests to see if my pregnancy hormones are doubling as they should be. Nor will I run for an ultrasound the minute I'm pregnant enough (assuming I do become pregnant enough) to see a heartbeat. I've been down that road before and found temporary reassurance, only to be utterly devastated a few days or weeks later.

Instead, I will distract myself when I can, call upon support from friends and family when I can't, and move forward through my days trying to straddle two possible futures. I said to J~ last night, We did it again, we created a life. Who knows how long it will last, but we did that and it's amazing in and of itself. I will try to be grateful that I've been given another chance.

And yes, MC, I am taking the baby aspirin this time.

As always, I will keep you posted!

2 comments:

Nora Dalasta said...

Love your blog! You and my friend Monica would totally get along. She wrote this book called Knocked Up, Knocked Down and tells her KUKD story with honesty (including asking herself, "Why do we even want to have kids in the first place"), humor, and again brutal honesty. She's got a great blog too at knockedupknockeddown.blogspot.org.

Take care and break a leg at your next OBGYN meet up!

missedconceptions said...

My mantra the first trimester: "it is what it is." Emotionally distant, yes, by realistic. You can only sit and weight. For now, you have good news.

Glad to hear you are taking the baby aspirin!