Another Day in Chemoville

To add to the weekend series from my previous entry, this evening's picture I think makes the trend apparent: it's been a downhill ride.

I got in the pool this morning, out for a walk with the dog too, but the rest of the day has been super low energy, spent on the couch. Food is seriously unappealing, though there are three exceptions:
 
1. Home fries and ketchup.
2. Plain vegan borscht (beet and cabbage soup) with  a squeeze of lemon and a spoon of miso.
3. Mint chocolate chip Rice Dream.

N~ helped me make the home fries today. The soup is in the fridge awaiting the energy or some help to heat it up. And J~ is headed home with frozen treats.

It is easy to sink into feeling like a victim of cancer, and a victim of the treatment. I can get into a mindset that I'm somehow a failure in that I'm submitting to this torture willingly. I suppose it's a similar feeling a parent with a sick child must feel: powerless, impotent, like I should have been able to protect my child/self from this.

But then I remember that this is a fight for my life, that undergoing chemotherapy and then radiation and hormone therapy will raise my chances of being alive and cancer-free ten years from now from a measly thirty-five percent to a much more promising seventy.

Then I think about everyone cheering me on and helping me through, and it hits me that there is a crew engaged in the fight with me.

It's incredibly touching to feel on such a visceral level that my life matters.

Thank you all.