|To add to the weekend series from my previous entry, this evening's picture I think makes the trend apparent: it's been a downhill ride.|
1. Home fries and ketchup.
2. Plain vegan borscht (beet and cabbage soup) with a squeeze of lemon and a spoon of miso.
3. Mint chocolate chip Rice Dream.
N~ helped me make the home fries today. The soup is in the fridge awaiting the energy or some help to heat it up. And J~ is headed home with frozen treats.
It is easy to sink into feeling like a victim of cancer, and a victim of the treatment. I can get into a mindset that I'm somehow a failure in that I'm submitting to this torture willingly. I suppose it's a similar feeling a parent with a sick child must feel: powerless, impotent, like I should have been able to protect my child/self from this.
But then I remember that this is a fight for my life, that undergoing chemotherapy and then radiation and hormone therapy will raise my chances of being alive and cancer-free ten years from now from a measly thirty-five percent to a much more promising seventy.
Then I think about everyone cheering me on and helping me through, and it hits me that there is a crew engaged in the fight with me.
It's incredibly touching to feel on such a visceral level that my life matters.
Thank you all.