I swam tonight with my Masters group for the first time since before my surgery and I was right back in the saddle. After an hour and a half and 3500 yards, I was disappointed to have to get out of the pool.
It feels strange that tomorrow I have chemo and this will all change. For the next week and a half it'll be like I'm crawling out of a ditch, hungover and exhausted and wondering if it's really worth all the misery. Maybe a long life is overrated.
As my health and spirits have improved, the impending reality of chemo #2 has been like an increasingly blinding light on the horizon. I have been shielding my eyes by watching YouTube videos and obsessively checking my blog traffic statistics. I suppose I don't want to let myself think about it, so I try not to let myself think at all. In the places where messes are exclusively mine — my desk, my car, my bedside table — my distraction is evident.
But tonight I feel ready. Thrilled, in fact, that I can bounce back so thoroughly in such a short time.
I can do this. I will do this. I will get through this. One treatment at a time.
|Last night I recruited J~ to help me plan for the next round. Sometimes it takes two brains to think a single thought.|