Thursday, January 20, 2011

Chemo Again in the Morning

This will be a quickie. All I want to say is: I feel fine right now. Almost entirely back to normal. Energetic even.

I swam tonight with my Masters group for the first time since before my surgery and I was right back in the saddle. After an hour and a half and 3500 yards, I was disappointed to have to get out of the pool.

It feels strange that tomorrow I have chemo and this will all change. For the next week and a half it'll be like I'm crawling out of a ditch, hungover and exhausted and wondering if it's really worth all the misery. Maybe a long life is overrated.

As my health and spirits have improved, the impending reality of chemo #2 has been like an increasingly blinding light on the horizon. I have been shielding my eyes by watching YouTube videos and obsessively checking my blog traffic statistics. I suppose I don't want to let myself think about it, so I try not to let myself think at all. In the places where messes are exclusively mine — my desk, my car, my bedside table — my distraction is evident.

But tonight I feel ready. Thrilled, in fact, that I can bounce back so thoroughly in such a short time.

I can do this. I will do this. I will get through this. One treatment at a time.

Last night I recruited J~ to help me plan for the next round. Sometimes it takes two brains to think a single thought.


Anonymous said...

Your mama loves you so much! What a joy to have you for a daughter.

Heather said...

Thinking of you as you head into round two.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you. I had read somewhere--maybe here--that your body gets used to chemo so that treatments, although rough, get "easier." I am hoping this is the case. At a minimum, you are down the learning curve--not everything is new anymore. Keep us posted.

P.S. Great swim--two miles--your inner athlete is still there--even after chemo!

P.P.S. Why can't my dog be as cute as yours?? ;)

Paula said...

The point is that you do crawl out of the ditch. Keep your sight there.

I hope you made it to chemo in spite of the snow and slippery roads.

Feel better soon!

Kerry said...

thinking of you kiddo~Peace~

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and sending you strength and peace. Although I don't think you need either. You seem to have them both in abundance.

You will get through this.

And we will be right there with you.