When it Rains...

Warning: this post contains gory details.

It rained all day yesteday.

K~, my sister-in-law, woke up at four yesterday morning, feeling the first wave of cramps that would lead her, finally, to the miscarriage she's been awaiting for weeks. She, like me, preferred to let it happen naturally, rather than intercede with drugs or a surgical procedure, a D&C.

Since my brother, her husband, is away on a business trip, I and her mother arrived mid-morning to offer our support. While her mother took K~'s two kids out for errands and adventures, I spent the bulk of the day reheating hot water bottles and adjusting foot rests and making food and, most of all, sitting with K~ and telling her, yes, this is normal, this is the way it was for me, too.

By four o'clock, K~'s discomfort was at its worst. Finally, as the cramps began to subside, she passed what she thought looked like a miniature placenta, a dark red blob almost small enough to fit atop a business card. K~ wondered if the marble-sized whitish area embedded within it was a partially reabsorbed embryo. I told her I didn't know. My first miscarriage looked completely different - almost all white-gray tissue, smooth and tubular, not unlike a tampon in its size and shape. The second I don't remember as well. It happened so much faster. I was able to collect less of the tissue, but it may have been more like hers.

The third? The third seems more and more likely. Though I still have some nausea in the mornings, it subsides, and I have mild cramping all day. No bleeding at the moment, but occasionally, sporadically, some brown (old) blood. If nothing happens by Monday, the day before J~'s surgery, we will likely go for another ultrasound. I don't look forward to the dead baby ultrasound, but I would prefer to receive that verdict while J~ is available to hold my hand. And I'd rather have the information before wringing my hands in the hospital waiting room worrying about J~.

At this point, I am afraid of two things:

Miscarrying while he is in surgery (or recovery).

Having the pregnancy continue indefinitely, unhealthy.

Actually, make that three things:

What if something goes wrong in J~'s surgery?