Friday, July 06, 2007

Surrender

Friday: very light cramps, yellow-stained cervical mucus.
Saturday: more cramps, light-brown-stained cervical mucus.
Today: cramps are steady and undeniable. Still no real bleeding, however. But this is how it went with my last miscarriage, too: cramps and intermittent staining for quite some time. The day I finally saw red blood, it was all over.

Also on Friday: J~'s second opinion from neurosurgeon number two: There is irreparable damage to the spinal cord. Without surgery, the next stage will be losing control of his limbs, and then paralysis. By Friday evening, J~ was experiencing tingling down his right arm, in his chin and the right side of his face.
Saturday: Though symptoms improved with a night's sleep, over the course of the day, the tingling returned. He tried calling the doc but the answering service will not put calls through unless they are from post-operative patients.
Today: Same thing.

These next two weeks, waiting for surgery and hoping nothing bad happens in the meantime, are going to be rough.

Monday (tomorrow): J~ will, hopefully, talk to the doctor about moving his surgery sooner. Meanwhile, I will have blood drawn to test my levels of HCG. At this stage in a pregnancy, HCG levels should be doubling every forty-eight hours. If they are not, miscarriage is imminent and unavoidable.
Wednesday: second blood draw.
Thursday afternoon: J~ and I meet at the OB's office, to hear the results.

I am not optimistic.

12 comments:

Ollie said...

I'm sorry to hear about J's prognosis. I hope they call you back soon.

I hate that you are in the midst of this stage of dread. After all you have been through for this pregnancy, I hope it's not the same story as before. But when you know your body, it's hard to feel optimistic. All I can say is that I hope you get surprisingly good news on this front next week. Otherwise, this really, really, really sucks x 10.

Dee said...

My thoughts are with both of you !

Anonymous said...

I don't think I can say it any better than Ollie did. I, too, am very sorry to hear things are so scary for you and J~ right now. I am hoping very fond, very optimistic wishes for positive outcomes for all of you, but I am realistic to know that you probably don't have that luxury.

My thoughts, prayers, and sympathies are with you.

Anonymous said...

I know you've been down this route before and recognize the road markers... but I'm hoping more than I can say that the cramps you're feeling mean something different this time. (And, as far as the spotting goes -- I spotted so incredibly much with my one successful pregnancy, I thought it was all over many, many times.)

Whatever happens, though, it sounds like you're in for a tough couple of weeks on a lot of fronts, with lots of waiting and worrying. Thinking of you, and hoping for the best possible outcome for you and J.

Shelley

MissedConceptions said...

F&ck. I am so sorry.

I have been through this and I know that is nothing magical to say. Living in constant fear of the unknown is no way to live, and sometimes hearing news -- even bad news -- is better than not knowing anything.

Still. F&ck.

Sam said...

Crap. I am so sorry. I'm send good thoughts your way.

Patty said...

Sending you lots of angels to surround you with love and compassionate comfort.

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry that you have to go through both of these things, and at the same time! I'm keeping positive thoughts for you both.

Ollie said...

Depending on your betas, maybe ask your doctor about progesterone supplements. If the betas are positive, and hopefully doubling, the spotting could come from low progesterone (which can also cause miscarriages--that was part of my issue). Just a thought. I'm still keeping the fingers crossed and hope you don't see any red.

Andrea said...

Shit. I am thinking lots of good thoughts for the both of you.

Mary R said...

Missedconceptions said what I thought. (the f word part.) I'll keep you both in my prayers... Easy to say, hard to do... Try not to stress TOO much! ((HUGS!))

onward and upward! said...

I've got no advice, but please know you and J are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that ultimately he gets a mended back and you get a baby.