Thursday, May 19, 2011

Red Flags on Parade


Wild edibles, hummingbird, house cleaning, and a spontaneous dance party... More of my videos here.

Today I was uploading and annotating this latest video on Youtube, watching myself clear my throat mid-sentence. I do that a lot lately, never noticing the habit until seeing it over and over in my videos. It seems there's always just a little bit of fluid stuck in the back of my throat.

Jim says this began after my mastectomy.

Not a big deal, I told him, perhaps a leftover side effect from the anesthesia. It can take a long time to clear the anesthesia drugs from your system.

Or maybe it has something to do with the chemo.

But today a new thought stopped me cold: Could this be cancer? I was frozen for a long instant, as if a heavy weight were crushing my chest.

I've heard that a subtle cough, or a minor ache, persistent but not alarming, can turn out to be the first sign of metastasis.

But then my lungs sucked air and I shook off the fear, got back to the task at hand.

It's probably nothing, I told myself, and I believe it probably is nothing. But, just to be on the safe side, I'll bring it up with my oncologist when I see her on Monday.

I suppose this is part of life on planet cancer, a regular feature of the landscape - where red flags fly over every ache and gripe, and the gravity of the disease you're battling, the preciousness of the life you don't want to give up living just yet, hits you over the head.

I hope I never get used to it.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I clear my throat a lot too. I have Googled it and I am pretty sure it's due to post-nasal drip. Is it possible that you have that too?

Just thought I'd mention it.

Carrie

Thomas said...

I think it is just part of it. I am almost 12 years out, and I still find myself doing it--a new tickle/itch/ingrown toenail (at one point during my cancer I was convinced this was a sign of inevitable cancer of the toe) still sends my mind there.

I never noticed that I cleared my throat a lot until someone pointed it out, and as it turns out (after two surgical biopsies on the base of my tongue) my acid reflux was the cause. I hope you have a horribly boring, completely predictable case of GERD. Post-nasal drip would be great too. :)

Paula

Shafeenaaz said...

Nice happy video!

Thanks for sharing your life with us :)