Monday, May 16, 2011

Next

Two brothers, father, sisters-in-law, nieces, kiwi hair... More of my videos here.

Three more chemo treatments to go, one of them today. All the usual worries apply – neuropathy, infection, fingernails lifting off. But this is small potatoes compared to the Cytoxan and Adriamycin. And "just three more!" beats so much louder in my mind than the old litany of worries.

At the same time, with radiation around the corner and Tamoxifen on its heels, new concerns are cropping up, lymphedema, carcinoma, and artificially induced menopause.

Underneath all of this, of course, is the tiny little possibility of breast cancer recurrence, metastases, premature death. What? Death? That little thing? I don't think of it so often anymore, maybe just once a day.

When I first started down this cancer road, my brother D~ said something about the "new normal" and I snapped back at him that there was no normal anymore, nothing was normal. But yesterday I had a little flashback to the old normal, when the scariest health concerns I faced required little to no medical intervention: miscarriage, urinary tract infection, irritable bowel. Those were the days.

I remember hearing David Allen suggest in an interview once that we should all mark our calendars for a month from now, and mark his words. Something big was going to happen to change everything. Something big always happens and changes everything. So do your best living now. Give your gifts. Make that call. Take a break. Get new tires on your car. Whatever it is that you're overdue for, get it done. It's time.

4 comments:

Nancy said...

I love this and you! So important to not always put off things until tomorrow. I forget that a lot and will be sure to do something that feels right today and not add it to my "to do list."

Your wisdom and grace seriously astounds me. you're my hero!!

Ally said...

Can I just say: You're dad is AWESOME! The look on his face was priceless. Keep laughing girl! You're almost there!

Ally said...

oops... meant to put your. Cool Ally. Cool

pinkunderbelly said...

Those were the days, indeed! I've been in artificially-induced menopause for almost a year now (I'll be 42 next week) and it's a crazy ride. I'm happy to share my experiences with you when you get there. Find me when/if you need me: pinkunderbelly.wordpress.com