It's the stereotypical seventies divorce moment: as I'm writing this, A~ is sorting through the record albums. (Yes, we still had vinyl. We were retro like that.) But the moment holds no drama. Which in and of itself is dramatic. The changes that can come in six weeks. Wow.
I wont write much today, dear readers, as I am tired, and like I said, not consumed with any particular drama. But I can feel one coming on, and it has to do with the whole Babies or Not question. Will I, won't I? Putting aside the whole willing and capable partner question, there remains the even larger issue: I have to be willing and capable too. Capable? I can't know unless I try. Willing? I'd like to be. But right now I see plenty of reasons to resist.
On the phone today, my father offered blog-critique (unsolicited, mind you, which is par for the course with the guy, but you gotta love him for it). You should write more about the clinic, he told me, about the struggles women face there. "That's the point of the blog," I answered, "Coming at the question of Babies or Not from every angle."
Okay, so I will. I promise. I'll write all about the factors that go into a decision to terminate a pregnancy. But I'll also write about it from my own angle, which isn't all that dissimilar either. It's about the question of entertaining pregnancy as an option in my life. It's the same question, regardless of moral ground regardless of existing pregnancy. More later. I promise.
1 comment:
It's anonymous again. I feel compelled to admit I too have had 2 abortions. I really keep that part of my life numb. I still feel there was no way I could have supported those babies. I've doomed myself to working a low paying job yet I'm happy to even have a job. I had no support. I wasn't living in my own place-I'm still not I'm taking care of my 82 year old father. He "can't" cook anymore as he says. He still helps financially in fact, fact he still tells me I "can't" pay for my own place. I'm 35. So anyway I just felt compelled to write to you. I haven't looked around online a lot for blogs where women actually admit they've had abortions, want children and are having trouble getting pregnant. In a huge way I feel if I do have problems conceiving it will be my just punishment. I feel like I went through so much crap growing up & now I have no idea which way is up most days.
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