Saturday, October 16, 2010

Results Are In

When I had my biopsy on Wednesday, the surgeon asked me to come in on Monday to talk about the results. "How long does it take to get the results?" I asked.

"Forty-eight to seventy-two hours," he said.

"So you might know by Friday?"

"Yes."

I made an appointment for Monday, but asked him to call me with the news if he found out Friday, good or bad.

I did not expect the call to come at ten in the morning, while I was headed home from the gym, my hair still wet from the pool and smelling of chlorine. "I'm driving right now. I'm two minutes from home," I told him.

"Okay, I'll call you back in fifteen minutes. Okay?"

"Okay."

My thighs were shaking as I rushed into the house, used the bathroom, gathered a pen and paper and the phone, and sat down at the kitchen table to wait. I called J~ at work and told him to stay by the phone, I would call him right away.

When the phone rang, I had calmed myself. "I have your lab results," said Dr. S~, in a tone chipper enough to get my hopes up, "It's cancer."

J~ came straight home from work. We walked the dog, we cried, we looked up the terms. So far I am diagnosed with Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (which means cancer confined to the milk duct). But because the mass is so large - 2.2 cm - Dr. S expects this diagnosis will change to Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.

I am devastated. I am terrified. I am getting down to business. There is so much more to say but it will have to wait until I have a bit more free time to reflect.

15 comments:

Sam said...

Oh fuck I'm so sorry. *hugs*

Panamahat said...

Oh no, I was so hoping it was all going to be clear. Crap. I am in shock for you, and so sorry you have to travel this path. Thinking of you all the time. xx

Tash said...

I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry - I can't offer advice or help, only that myself and others will be around if you need any sort of virtual support. It's treatable and you will get through it; that's all I have to offer. And we'll be here with you every step of the way. You're not alone.

Erin said...

I am so sorry.

Kim said...

What terrifying news. Wishing you and your family strength as you tackle this challenge. Be well.

Daniele said...

shit! That is just awful. I am so so sorry and wish you strength (that I know you have already!) and courage (which you also have).
Thinking of you! xx

Searching for Serenity said...

Fuck. This is not what I was expecting. Know you are in my thoughts.

Trust in your body. Trust in the doctors. Breathe.

Knick Knack Paddy Whack, Throw This Mom a Bone said...

Damn. So sorry you have to go through this...I will be thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

delurking to say that i'm thinking of you.

dillard said...

Also delurking ... I am so sorry! Sending positive vibes your way!!!

Kimberly said...

Delurking also - thinking of you, and sending so many positive thoughts your way.

r3 said...

I'm sorry. This sucks and is completely unfair.

And what Tash said.

Shannon said...

Oh Amy, I am profoundly sorry. You are a courageous and wise woman. You will make it through this. Life is so unabashedly unfair & cruel sometimes... I'll be praying that you will have all that you need for your journey back to wellness.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Amy, I just heard the news. I am so sorry.

missedconceptions said...

Holy shit, Amy! My thoughts are with you and J.