Monday, October 25, 2010

Fear Factor

The big worry at the moment is the lump in my armpit. I knew there was a swollen gland there at least since the biopsy, but I've been feeling discomfort in the area since before the biopsy. Yesterday in the shower I probed my armpit with my fingers. It wasn't the first time I'd checked, but it was the first time I'd felt around in there while standing upright. From that position, it's hard to ignore the lump, deep in the crotch of my armpit, hard, pear-shaped, almost as big as a chickpea at it's widest.

And now I am hyper-aware of the lymph nodes near my collarbone, in my neck and groin. There is tenderness and tightness in these areas at various times, especially on the right side. The sense I have is that, to the extent that lymph nodes have minds, my entire lymphatic system has its mind on cancer.

I had my mammogram and MRI on Friday. I was able to see the mammogram right away, and talk about it with a radiologist. I'm still waiting on news regarding the MRI, hoping I'll hear from the doctor tonight.

The good news is that, according to the mammogram, there were no new areas of concern. But the MRI will show more, including lymph nodes.

My heart is in my throat and my legs go wobbly every time the phone rings.


Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and hoping for good news.

Searching for Serenity said...

Sitting quietly by your side. Hoping for a swift diagnosis and prompt action.

Emily said...

Im here and waiting with you. I had a huge breast tumor many years ago, while the situation was different I know how it feels to wait for those calls.


Paula said...

I hope that having some answers and direction will feel better than not knowing.

While lumps can't be denied, any type of diagnosis or worry can play so many tricks on the mind, making every twinge seem ominous.

Wishing you healing, good news, a sense of peace, and a cooperative refrigerator soon.

Daniele said...

Glad these exams have come quickly! The not knowing is awful.
Sending hugs and love your way.