I had a dream last night that I ate raw chicken by mistake. I was hosting a party, hurrying to putting out food. Raw meat had inadvertently been mixed in with the cooked. I didn't notice. But I did notice that some of it was too chewy. When my stomach started to turn, I put the pieces together. "People are going to get sick," I whispered to my brothers and co-hosts, But it was too late, the food had been eaten.
I woke up feeling queasy.
And took my temperature, as I do each morning in an attempt to track my menstrual cycle. This point in the cycle, the stretch between ovulation and menstruation, is known in TTC (trying to conceive) circles as the 2WW (two week wait). Fertility forums all over the web are full of women moaning and commiserating there way through this time. It can be very tempting to read into temperatures, to ascribe meaning to a low number (implantation dip?) or a higher than normal reading (pregnant for sure!) but I've learned over the years that this is sheer self-torture. Better to wait it out, better to stay away from the magnetic urge to POAS (pee on a stick) until menstruation is truly and officially late. But still, I eagerly update my chart each morning, analyzing the stats like an avid sports fan or gambler at the race track, comparing this month's numbers with previous months, trying to divine a hidden meaning. And of course, I have a stash of HPTs (home pregnancy tests) at the ready.
J~ is getting into it too. His first words to me in the morning sometimes come after hearing my digital thermometer beep in the dark. "What's your temp?" he said today. "I don't know," I replied, "it's dark in here."
This morning I told him about my dream, and my queasiness. It's way too soon to get excited. It can't be morning sickness just seven days after ovulation. (Can it?) But not too soon to interpret the dream, Chicken=fear. Raw=not ready. Serving it to others? Not a good idea.
Yes, I'll admit it, The more I think about it, the clearer I am that I'd prefer to wait just a little longer. Not because I want to hold out for the possibility of changing my mind, or to become more sure. I'm quite sure as it is. It's because of my teeth and all the other reasons I listed two entries ago (in Babies or Teeth), a list that should have included B~, J~'s son, who is experiencing enough drastic change lately as it is. We'll be stricter with the condoms next month, for the next several months.
Still, if a baby comes now, it would be incredible, a miracle and a blessing welcomed with open arms. I'll just have to work diligently and conscientiously to make sure all the chickens (fears) are cooked (addressed) in time. Luckily, we'll have nine months, well, eight months, in which to do so. I've never undertaken a bigger project, but I've certainly worked with tighter deadlines than that.