I got my period Saturday, way too soon. I don't know what to make of a twenty day cycle. My usual cycle, lately anyway, is twenty-five or twenty-six days. Ten years ago, it was consistently twenty-nine or thirty.
This change scares me, because I've heard about menopause starting this way, with periods coming closer and closer together, and then further and further apart, until they stop altogether.
The clock is ticking louder than ever.
As much as I wasn't happy to see red so soon, and fantasized I wouldn't see it at all for another nine months, I'm also glad I'm not pregnant yet. J~ and I are doing so well together. Still, we can't rush this. We can't force it. If it takes longer to get solid in our relationship than we have on the clock, well, that settles it. No baby. I have to keep allowing childlessness to be a possibility, keep being open to it, whatever feelings it might conjure.
It definitely brings up some difficult feelings.
On the bright side, this new relationship is getting pretty darn solid. More solid in so many ways than the old one ever was. And without a baby, there is more time to revel in each other.
Not a bad deal.