The Shift

Something is shifting. I was getting better, and in some ways I still am (improved sex drive, for one, and my hair is returning), but at the same time I am also losing ground. My stamina, my stomach, even the taste in my mouth have taken a turn for the unpleasant. It's a subtle shift, nowhere near as all-consuming and overpowering as in the Adriamycin and Cytoxan days. But it's disappointing and depressing nonetheless.

And confusing.

I feel energetic, yet rundown at the same time. Good yet bad.

Maybe I've been recovering from the A/C all this time, meanwhile, Taxol is beginning to take its own unique toll.

Perhaps foolishly I had thought the improving trend would continue throughout the remainder of my six weeks of chemotherapy. I let myself imagine an expanding sense of well-being in the weeks ahead, fantasizing about how I'd spend the riches of my increasing energy. Today I'm realizing that I must continue to assess myself moment by moment, let go of expectations both good and worrisome, and make more room for self-nurturing.

So, toward that end, I'm lounging on the couch with my sweet dog, watching a movie on half the laptop screen while writing this message on the other half.

The rest I'll share in pictures - a selection of meals from the last week, and moments with my beloved man and beast...

Another vlog on the way, it's uploading right now. Check my Youtube channel for the latest.

Last night's dinner: red calypso beans, roasted red pepper hummus (this kind), steamed Swiss chard, tempeh sauteed with garlic, tamari, dill, and nutritional yeast, raw butternut squash, and purple cabbage with fresh ginger lightly steam-sauteed in a splash of water/rice vinegar  and a hint of agave nectar.

Another dinner: Local salad greens, steamed broccoli, black beans, squash and potato puree (more on that one here), with a dressing made from blended tofu, fresh dill, lemon juice, sea salt, onion powder, and the sweet herb, stevia.

This one was a lunch: steamed kale with sliced onions and portabellas sauteed in balsamic vinegar, pecan-raisin rice toast (this kind), and a dressing of tahini, lemon, sea salt, and smoked paprika.

The best nose in town.

My cuties.

Hair! Two days ago. J~ says there's already much more.

This one goes way back: the soup is this one, plus red miso, spinach, and peas.

Rainbow salad: kidney beans, dandelion greens, purple cabbage, red pepper, avocado, and jicima with tahini dressing.

And for dessert...