Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Nine Weeks Not

Still waiting. Feeling less and less pregnant, though there are moments when I feel nauseous and tender. Strange how these little surges tease up hope, even when I know there isn't a chance.

On the other hand, the very fact that I got pregnant again raises my hopes.

Supposedly I was done trying, but very soon after I found out I was pregnant, I found myself thinking, if this one doesn't work, I might want to give it one more go. I told J~ my thoughts, and he agreed, he didn't feel quite done either. Another year, we agreed. We'll give it one more year.

I'm not sure yet when the clock starts on this One More Year, but certainly we're in the grace period now, while I'm waiting to miscarry, and probably for a cycle or two after that.

In the meantime, I am collecting inspirational stories - there are a nice bouquet of them in the comments of the previous post - thank you all so much!

Anybody else? I'm particularly interested in women who miscarried repeatedly in their thirties and then had a successful pregnancy after forty. I am learning that it happens much more frequently than I previously imagined. Details are welcome and encouraged!

I'm also on the lookout for good medical support. Long time readers might recall that I went to an RE two or three years ago, the only one I could find in my state (Connecticut) who focused on miscarriage. This doc had an air of defeat around him which I found troubling, though I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I got his form letter several weeks later announcing his retirement.

I'm also going to start charting again - I'm suspecting a luteal phase deficit and I want to gather evidence. I'd love to hear about any natural approaches to remedying this, if any exist. I have Clomid-phobia, though progesterone is looking less scary these days...

As for my age-old ambivalence about having children, it isn't exactly gone. I am clear in my desire to succeed at pregnancy, but the next part, where I give myself over physically, mentally, and financially to raising a child, that's harder to wrap my mind around. I really want to cross that bridge. I can imagine the triumph and joy I would feel to have done so. But the landscape on the other side? It still looks pretty darn challenging.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't know where in CT you are, but Boston IVF has a number of different locations, including one in Worcester. Dr. Alper, one of the doctors who works in Worcester, is the director of BIVF and is extremely knowledgeable and helpful.

Searching for Serenity said...

I can't speak to multiple miscarriages, but I can speak to luteal phase defect and natural approaches. I too had a Clomid-phobia. First because I wanted to avoid a multiple pregnancy due to a congential heart condition would would put be at high risk. But, I also had other personal reasons for avoiding Clomid. I've never been able to nail them on the head, but I believe they were in part to wanting to be heard and treated, not just thrown a drug to shut me up and get me out of the office. But also because I think for a long time there was a part of me that was in denial that we needed intervention. A close friend miscarried while on Clomid. At the time I thought the infertility was all in her head (ha). She conceived naturally and birthed a healthy boy a year later.

It turned out we were dealing with MFI, but after charting for a year I knew something was going on with me also. I diagnosed myself as having a luteal phase defect. My OBs never asked to look at my charts. I ovulated on day 20 or later and I spotted for days leading up to my period.

I read The Infertility Cure (which I belive you've already read). I started going to acupuncture. I also regularly did yoga and meditated. Tried to eat organic as much as possible. After a few months of acupuncture and herbs, I could see my cycle changing. In fact, I noticed a difference the first month, but it was gradual. The only month I ovulated on day 15 was when we conceived. Surprise!! The acupuncture did much more for me than just help me conceive. It was a good escape. I felt better than I had in most of my adult life. I avoided colds etc. I won't hesistate to do it again if/when #2 is on the horizon.

I hope you're finding peace in all of this. I sense hope in your tone and that continues to give me hope for you (if that makes sense.)

Searching for Serenity said...

One more thing. My husband's urologist put him on Clomid. It increased his counts and we eventually conceived. The jury is still out on whether him being on Clomid was a wise decision or not. Yes, we have a beautiful son, but the long term effects are unknown. If we have issues next time, I'm going to encourage him to see my acupuncturist. btw, she specializes in women's health. specifically infertility and menopause. I'm in Minnesota, but with some digging you can hopefully find a good resourse in CT.

Ellen said...

Although you've already heard my story I have to, again, sing the praises of acupuncture and Chinese medicine. I saw an immediate marked change in my cycle (within two weeks) and I have no doubt that this, coupled with fanatic charting (I'll admit it, I was obsessed) led to my success - healthy naturally-conceived twins at 41 after numerous losses. Two of my dearest friends (who happen to be identical twins themselves) overcame horrible infertility issues (endometriosis) to give birth at 40 & 41. My cousin had a baby, her third, 6 months ago after three consecutive miscarriages and she is 42. She had three miscarriages before having her two eldest. I know it seems as if I surround myself with older moms who've had fertility issues but, to be honest, its not uncommon in the NYC area. I hope these stories help. PLEASE don't give up hope. I strongly encourage you to give it your all for a year and see what happens. P.S. You've read "inconceivable", right?

Emily said...

I wish I had more of what you want to hear,, Ive tried the various internet and folk remedies for lpd over the years. I tried vitex, b6, organic diet, accupuncture and herbs, nothing worked. I tried for about a year and a half to become pregnant before my doctor starting taking my progesterone and stated that she thought I was hardly ovulating at all. a "weak" ovulation if you will. the only way I have become pregnant in my

30's has been with the aid of clomid. that said, I still have a shortish lp on most every medicated cycle where I have ovulated but not become pregnant. go figure. its all pretty confusing. the fact that you are getting pregnant without meds puts you in a sort of different group but I guess my point is that who knows what clomid really does for the luteal phase. progesterone will extend my lp but Ive never become pregnant on a cycle where I was just using that in the lp and not the clomid. bleh,, sorry for the novel. I commend you for giving it another go. I know that even people in our situation quite often end up with live births.

Anonymous said...

a few more details from my many tries (8 pregnancies, 7 m/cs). like i said before, each m/c was different. i married in my 30's and wanted to wait until my husband was at a better place professionally. we started trying seriously when i was over 37.

the first m/c was so similar to your experiences. i was relieved, the plumbing worked. however, the dr. wanted me to see a RE immediately, who suggested heavy drug stims for IVF. i declined. i got pregnant 6M later (having taken off the recommended time) and m/c'd at week 14.5, the day after my nuchal translucency ultrasound. that was devastating. I was told i could try even more drugs (immunosuppresors, hormone supplements, blood thinners). i decline. the next pregnancy is complicated by an ovarian cyst. i got pregnant again, had a d/c at week 12 due to a blighted ovum. the next pregnancy , at 8 weeks - surprising, fantastic good and bad luck. twins, ectopic. d/c and more. add in a couple of chemical pregnancies. somewhere in that long mess up there, i saw many fertility and m/c specialists, but always declined the extra hormones and drugs. i did try blood thinners (once)and progesterone (twice).

by this time, i went to see the *best* specialist, who has a great record for older moms using IVF. he told me not to do IVF, even as that was his specialty, even if i wanted to waste my money. he pointed out, it'd be a bit harder being 40, but that wasn't going to change. he didn't push donor either.

getting pregnant is the hard part. staying so, that's not a science they're that good at yet. he did go over my many tests (normal, give or take) finally, he told me. keep trying. trust what you think is right (i'd told him i was skeptical of IVF being the answer.)

2 months later I get pregnant again and you can be sure that i wasn't too sanguine when i went in for an u/s at week 10. and week 14, week 16, and at week 20, my OB told me to start wearing maternity clothes.

i worked until i delivered. they gave me a shower at work and i had the baby 2 days later. i was 41.

was it tough? oh yes. i cried, i cursed, i bargained and questioned. i told my husband that i'd try 3 times before i give up. hah. if anything, each try gave me enough hope to keep trying, and really made me examine myself, my motivation and my desire for a child. yes, i still wanted a child. and we kept trying and living. we worked, enjoyed our marriage, our friends. i ran (and cried) a lot, long and hard.

my son is ~2. my friends have college aged kids to elementary aged kids. we have the youngest child of any of our friends by far. true, most will have their kids out of the house when our child starts middle school. our kid might be an only child, but so are some other older kids.

am i tired? you bet. is it hard, physically and financially? sure. my friends see me with my son, working full time like my husband, and they reassure me. you're doing fine. you have lots of energy. it will work out. was it easier when they were younger? no, they said it was just as exhausting and rewarding when they were in their late 20's and early 30's as it is for me now. if anything, they point out that i'm just as energetic and creative as i've always been, but i'm just juggling a lot more

cons? i don't work a 50 hour week. i haven't published in a year. i can't work weekends and i don't leave work to have dinner in wine bars. travel is limited. i can't wear high heels when i'm playing in the sand box. my manhatten-sized house went from grown up to a toy store. all small things, and all things that could've happened without a child.

so. if you can stomach it, keep trying.

this is a long post. but you see, i'm trying again, and i have so much hope for you.

Suzanne said...

OK. You know my stance. I think you should head to CCRM and do CGH. I'd add in Dr. Jonathan Sher for any immune issues (he is in NYC).

You can combine the two and get a great success rate. Between 42 and 43 a woman stops making normal eggs (according to the lab at CCRM which is arguably the best in the world). Dr. Schoolcraft just wrote a book - I recommend you pick it up.

I wish you all the best. I know that had I never done IVIG or been on blood thinners, I would not have my son. 6 miscarriages and one child - the others were without IVIG and Lovenox.

Email me anytime.

Anonymous said...

I believe progesterone can be your key. Use cream during ovulation, on your wrists and abdomen. If anything it will help thicken your uterine wall and give that embryo something to hold on to! I suffered 2 miscarriages and was given this same advice. My OB instructed me to contact her as soon as I received another positive result and she put me on Prometrium immediately. I'm a believer because it worked for me and I've passed this info on to others who successfully concieved afterward too. Best of luck to you and J...

Paula said...

I'm so sorry for your miscarriage, but you are sounding encouraged. It is important to find an RE you like and who inspires hope. Don't rule out the RE's who work through Women & Infants in RI.

I know a friend of my mother's who had her first successful pregnancy in her early 40s. I don't know if she'd had miscarriages, but I know she told my mother to sit down when she gave her the news.

Wishing you hope, happiness, and success!

Mel @ The Preconceptionist said...

Re your fear of giving yourself over to a child after pregnancy...I found this on Motherscribe's blog: "There is a definitive link between being a mother and the risk of losing one's self. I'd like to flip that around. Being a mother and the risk of finding oneself."

Suzanne said...

I'm going to weigh in again because I've been reading for five years. You likely have a progesterone deficiency or a high number of aneuploidy embryos or an immune issue.

Doing an IVF cycle at CCRM (I don't work for them, ha) and doing a blast cycle (five day embryos) you can take a few cells from the placenta and have them tested. My friend did this. Out of 30 embryos - 2 were normal. She now has boy/girl twins.

I did the same thing - 2 cycles and 2 normal embryos. Waiting to put them back in but I know I have an immune issue. I will do IVIG and go gluten free for the next six months before the transfer.

I highly recommend that you see Dr. Jonathan Sher in NYC - he is pricey but this is worth it. He can address any immune issue. Schoolcraft, that man can work wonders. I made 3 follicles at a good clinic. He put me on human growth hormone and I produced 11 embryos - 8 of which fertilized normally and one was normal and the very best quality.

I could have beaten my head against the wall locally but I was lucky to find out about CGH and CCRM.

I am strongly urging you to go this route. If you are going to try - this is the way. I don't mean to harp but no amount of natural cycles or positive thinking is going to help if your embryos are not compatible with life. With CGH you can identify the ones that are and put them back in with a success rate of 65 percent for one and 85% for two normal embryos. That, my friend, is better than any stat in the world.

XO

Ali said...

I'm a big believer in Weill Cornell in NYC and my favorite doctor, Dr. Chung. http://www.ivf.org/chung.html
I was 35 when I conceived the Kid with the help of Dr. Chung (progesterone, IUI, clomid) after miscarring 4 times.
Also, although I am not a medical professional, the fact that you have had repeated consecutive miscarriages makes me wonder if it's something that could be treated (heparin? clomid? progesterone?) versus a chromosomal problem.

natural fertility said...

You are doing good but I guess you need to consult a specialist with regards to your problem. There are certain studies that shows they have clients which get pregnant after a numerous miscarriage. In line with this, I found this site that maybe helpful to you. http://www.natural-fertility-prescription.com