Friday, May 23, 2008

Shifting

This is new: this month, for the first time, it was J~ keeping track of my cycle, checking up on our baby-making schedule day after day, ensuring that we put in our allotted time between the sheets. Meanwhile, my mind was surprisingly removed and detached from the subject (not that I wasn't pleased, not that I didn't enjoy it).

I wonder if my biological clock is winding down. I wonder if I'm simply letting go, accepting the very real possibility that babies are not in the cards for me. Or maybe I'm just getting excited about my garden, my artwork, the Saturday morning bicycling club I've joined, how good my body feels since I took to eating nothing but fruit before noon, nothing but salad (a well-embellished salad, however) for lunch, and lots more vegetables for dinner. Perhaps my yearning for parenthood is crowded out by other fulfillments. Then again, maybe this is exactly the letting go I need before that dream, like so many other dreams in life, can simply happen on it's own...

As always, I'll keep you posted.

ps. sometimes I sprinkle cinnamon on my fruit. Delicious.

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