Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Inner Doubt Machine

After two years of procrastination, I finally get fitted for a prosthetic breast. More of my videos here.
I started this blog in hopes that someday I'd wrangle a book out of all my experiences around the question of pregnancy (at the time I was working as an abortion counselor, facing my own infertility.) 

Since before I could properly hold a pencil, I knew I wanted to grow up to become a writer and an an artist, that I wanted to make books. I've made swipes at it for years. I have several more-finished-than-not manuscripts and book proposals tucked away. And the few times I've put myself out there, I have had some encouraging small successes. 

This is not the first time I've bent myself to the task of being a writer, but this time, I can tell, it's different. I'm not sure I can put my finger on what has shifted. Maybe it's because of the cancer, which doesn't let me forget that life is a precious and fleeting thing. Maybe it's because I have reached critical mass to counteract the inner doubt machine - finally enough people in my life who consistently express interest in what I have to say. (How do you work through the hard parts of expressing yourself when you don't believe anyone will ever be interested in your vision?)

So if I'm not writing on the blog so much as I once did, and not making so many videos either, I hope you'll understand. I'm busy taking it to the next level.

And I plan to take you with me. Stay tuned.


Tash said...

Hi Amy,

I'm thoroughly pleased and proud to hear these words because from reading your blog for quite a long time now, I have admired your words and wisdom and style of writing.

I am also slightly jealous (!) that you have reached a point that I seem unable to reach: self-acceptance and confidence in onesself. But you deserve everything good :)

Keep us updated!

Unknown said...

Welcome to Flat and Fabulous! I too have have one boob and feel similar to what you mentioned on the video! Thanks for sharing the process for getting fitted! I haven't gone to a place, trying to do it online. What works for me are bras like Coobie, Genie, etc that have pockets in them. They give me a more natural look. Anyway, just wanted to say hi.

E said...

Amy, thank you so much for your vlog.
Your experiences really helped me get through chemo. And now I'm almost have way through radiation.
Was 39 when diagnosed although had I brought myself to
Doctors probably would have diagnosed much sooner than 39. Was on a/c 4 rounds then taxol 4 rounds now
25 rads. I got the products you recommended in vlog #72 with great results thus far. I'm reality lay active as well. How are the effects of radiation on your on the muscularity of your affected arm? Also can you tell me regimen of lotions, ointments you used for rad incase I left anything out?

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Fabulous! I too have have one breast and experience just like what you described on the video! Thanks for discussing the procedure for getting fitted! I haven't gone to a position, trying to do it on the internet. What performs for me are aide like Coobie, Genie, etc that have pouches in them. They provide me a more organic look. Anyway, just desired to say hi.

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