Winning

This weekend was amazing. In spite of today's sonohysterogram looming on the horizon. In spite of the possibility of endometrial cancer, of being told I need a hysterectomy. In spite of being home alone while Jim was away from Friday to Sunday visiting his son in college for parent's weekend. In spite of the disconcerting ache in my uterus, something I've been feeling, come to think of it, for months now. In spite of the questionable blood test, not to be retested for another two weeks, indicating the possibility that all is not right within.

So how is it possible that this weekend was amazing? That I felt mostly calm and good and happy to be alive? I think because I got to be around a bunch of people on Saturday who know how to listen and allow emotion. Because I got to talk to Jim on the phone and enjoy his company as I wound down my evenings. Because on Sunday, I got to celebrate this gorgeous season on a 63-mile bike ride with old and new friends.

Cancer has reenforced for me the reality that, whatever happens in the short-term, the long-term truth remains the same for all of us: our days are limited. Cruelly and tragically and severely limited. When you really grasp that reality, the quibbling over how many days we each are allotted becomes less important. Life is now. And mine is good.

So let's get on with it.

Speaking of which, today's test was uncomfortable, but only mildly so, and quick, less than 10 minutes. And best of all, there was no evidence of cancer, not even a polyp requiring surgical intervention. The thickening that was seen on the original ultrasound is actually taking place underneath the uterine lining and is considered to be "normal cystic changes due to Tamoxifen."

I've been given the green light to keep taking the drug, and I probably will, though that achy feeling is still there, and I do have some questions. So I will take a few days off to consider them.

On October 15th, I'll re-do that slightly irregular blood test, and hopefully all will be well there too.

But as far as today is concerned, the score is Amy: 1, Cancer: 0.