Since I began this blog two years ago, I think this is the longest I've gone without posting.
Why is that, I wonder? The answer is multifaceted.
1. To be or not to be pregnant (and to stay or not to stay pregnant) are no longer the questions taking center stage in my life. (These days, it's more like: to go or not to go to graduate school). This is not to suggest that these questions have left the stage entirely. Don't get me wrong. As much as I wish it were otherwise, I don't think I'll ever be entirely free of them. They have become a part of me. And so has this blog.
2. Speaking of graduate school, my first big application deadline is looming, just two weeks away. And there is So Much To Do. Hence, Reason Number Two: frantic, out of control distraction.
3. Plus, clients are coming out of the woodwork, suddenly wanting to Christmas-up their websites. In other words, Reason Number Two all over again.
4. I don't keep this blog the deep dark secret that it should be. My family knows about it. My friends know about it. Hell, even my ex-husband knows about it! (Not that I've heard a peep from him since the divorce, but I'll save that rant for another post.) Probably the grad schools I apply to will come across it, and how seriously will they take me if they read that I'm disappointed to be getting my period today?
My life has always been an open book. I can't keep a secret (about myself, that is) and wouldn't want to begin. But sometimes I think I should. And occasionally, that thought does slow me down a bit.
5. Speaking of can't keep a secret, I wasn't going to tell you yet, dear readers, because it's really not ready, but I've been two-timing you. I've started another blog. Just barely! I'd invite you in but the furniture is still in boxes all over the floor, and I haven't even unfurled the wallpaper.
Never fear: I won't stop writing here. The Babies or Not story is not over yet. But there are other aspects to who I am besides infertile, other things I think about besides babies and reproductive decision-making---like art, writing, and living a creative life---and I want to give myself some space to explore those too.
I'll post the link, I promise, I promise. Very soon. Just let me unpack a little first, tack up a few links. Some of you Blogger-savvy types have probably found it already. Some of you might sneak over there on your own. If you have, or if you do now, excuse the mess. And tune in here to be invited to the grand opening, coming soon(ish).
4 comments:
I am an "open book" too....and sometimes wonder if I reveal too much??
...looking forward to linking to your newest blog.... : )
Graduate school was a great place to be during my stint with infertility. I started before the IF began and am still needing to tie up more than a few loose ends (harder to do with 2 children now).
In any case, grad school was a place where IF didn't matter and could drift to the back of who you are, as you seem inclined to let it do.
I was also surrounded by intelligent women, most of whom didn't have children. You could see life without children being creative, stimulating, and easy for a great many women.
Good luck with that decision! And congrats on the new blog.
I haven't read all of your posts, but all of the ones I have read were well thought out, honest, and interestingly reflexive. Sounds like a perfect candidate for grad school to me. You have done a great job of owning your feelings so don't start being afraid that having done so will end up being a bad thing. Many people have been helped through your openess.
I am so excited about your new blog, I can barely stand it! Please let us in soon ...
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