Saturday, May 26, 2007

Where to Begin?

There are several things I could write about, at length. I can't choose. I refuse to choose! I will give them all to you, in smaller portions, a three-dish buffet.

1. My old friend, L~, who is forty-one years old and a yoga teacher and massage therapist in Colorado, is pregnant. "It's the first time we tried, I mean really tried." She told me on the phone last night. She is over the moon happy, and I am thrilled for her. In my heart, it feels like a train engine roaring to life. As the big iron hulk eases into motion, gaining momentum, picking up speed, my friend is inside, waving, setting off on a grand adventure. I stand on the platform, excited by all the noise, touched that it is me she is waving and smiling at, but all the same, watching her disappear. What I mean to say is that it was exciting at first, and then it was sad.

2. I have an appointment with my most trusted doc for next Wednesday, to confront the question I have been afraid to ask myself, afraid to admit is even in the cards. Do I need to have a colonoscopy? This is reason number three from my last entry, which is really a subset of reason number two, if you want to be technical. The point is, I'm doing something about it now, so I feel a little less ashamed. But I'm still scared.

3. B~'s mother is a terrible flake. (B~ is my stepson, if you didn't know.) I prefer to be more sympathetic than this, but right now, I'm angry, and I'm hurting for B~, who has is heart set on the private school she's been talking up. She wants him to live with her. This "wonderful school" has been her angle for a year and a half. And the truth is, the angle worked. If it wasn't for the school, which, as it turns out, is indeed wonderful, J~ would never have gone along with the plan. B~ has visited twice, started to get to know the kids. Application forms have been painstakingly filled out. J~ missed work to see the place, has poured over the web site, cried multiple times about his son moving away (on our honeymoon, no less), and taken B~ for the requisite physical exam. B~ said to me the other day, "I'd start there tomorrow, if I could." (However, on the subject of living with his mother, he is not as gung-ho. When asked if he could really picture living with her, he said, "Not without both of us going to therapy.")

Oh, why didn't we see this coming? Last night when Ex-wife called to talk to J~ about the instability and dysfunction in her marriage, J~ asked her, point blank, "Are you rethinking having B~ come live with you?" She answered, "Yes. I guess I am."

This is one big fat nasty red flag, drawing our attention to all the others we've been trying to dismiss. When J~ told me about the call, it was clear to us both: If she doesn't pull the plug, we will.

Boy is this one going to hurt.

3 comments:

Andrea said...

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate- that's a lot to deal with.

I kinda hate that when I finally delurk after reading you for a long time, it's because of Ass Issues...but I just had a colonoscopy myself, so I can give you some idea of what to expect. adgrio@hotmail.com

Laura said...

I'm really sorry about the stepsun issues. I don't have any experience or advice on that - but I wanted to tell you that colonoscopies are really not that terrible. They usually put you under mild sedation and it is only mildly uncomfortable, not really painful. I'm glad you are going forward with protecting your health.

Sam said...

Oh god. I'm sorry. What a @$%#!