...and it isn't pretty.
J~'s sperm count is good but other factors are questionable. Normal sperm motility is between 40 and 100% and J~'s is just 26. Viscosity is much too high, pH is also a bit high. His doctor drew circles and question marks on the lab results, but the only actual information he offered were the names and phone numbers of specialists. J~ will make an appointment today, and we'll take it from there.
Strangely, I'm not upset. Maybe it's because we have so little real information. Maybe because, in a way, nothing's changed. I already felt like it would take a miracle. Sometimes I've been more confident in that miracle, sometimes less. Hell, look back just three weeks ago I was all about believing in miracles. (see Hope?) And just last week I tried on the post-menopausal never-had-kids possible future. Though I cried when I did so, I found it was not a bad fit. I'm accepting more and more that my baby-quest story may not have a Hollywood ending. On one hand, I'm still hopeful. On the other, ready to let go.
J~ suggested we put in another year of concerted effort and attention before deciding it probably won't happen and moving on. I'm all for it, especially the part about him putting in concerted effort and attention. (It's so nice to have a real partner!) The deadline feels sad, but right. There are no rules about what we do or don't do after, but we can begin to talk about it. And who knows what might happen between now and then.