tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19133339.post3472440001282778072..comments2024-01-17T01:15:41.107-05:00Comments on Babies or Not: Ten Weeks NotAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11138395551574894313noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19133339.post-14712599617794085102011-01-25T16:57:30.041-05:002011-01-25T16:57:30.041-05:00Hi Amy,
Thanks so much for bringing attention to ...Hi Amy,<br /><br />Thanks so much for bringing attention to the topic of miscarriage. I am so sorry for your loss. After my own experiences I needed to believe that the world was different in a positive way because of the losses. I was driven to create something that would not have existed had I not miscarried. A filmmaker by trade, what resulted is a ten-minute short film The House I Keep, about a woman who struggles to come to terms with the loss of her baby through miscarriage. A relentless war between her internal and external life has plagued her recovery until she stumbles upon a curious symbol of hope that helps lead her back to peace.<br /><br />After screenings of The House I Keep, I have been overwhelmed by the heartbreaking stories of miscarriage that women have felt compelled to share. These gatherings became transformative. Discussing the film has provided an 'appropriate’ place to share their own stories. Their silence was broken and isolation bridged. My mission for the film is to improve the mental health of women and their families mourning miscarriage by providing an identifiable voice through the film. The film is a platform for discussion and understanding, and hence, an impetus for healing.<br /><br />With the film now complete, and ready to premiere in 2011, we are doing everything we can to raise awareness about the topic of miscarriage and our film. Please visit our website at http://www.thehouseikeep.com for more detailed information about the film. If you like what you see, please join us on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-House-I-Keep/69409738707. Anything you can do to help us spread the word is, of course, very much appreciated!<br /><br />Very best,<br />Jhene Erwin<br />Producer/Co-Director/Writer – The House I KeepJhenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05394424938967497144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19133339.post-5630992223188964112010-06-19T10:41:07.854-04:002010-06-19T10:41:07.854-04:00I have one more interjection to offer here. I can ...I have one more interjection to offer here. I can totally relate to wanting to experience what it's like to carry a pregnancy to term. After working in an environment where you're exposed to pregnancy this and that on a daily basis, you want to experience it instead of just understanding it intellectually.Mel @ The Preconceptionisthttp://preconceptionist.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19133339.post-73200786261818297382010-06-19T02:37:10.022-04:002010-06-19T02:37:10.022-04:00oh girl. i hated that question too, and i was ope...oh girl. i hated that question too, and i was open to adoption. of course, the 10's of thousands in fees, the wait, the exposing yourself to social workers. . . i shied away from. they don't put mediocre parents through such screening but let them walk out of the hospital after having a baby.<br /><br />i saw many RE's, and even in a medical research facility. when i went to see the RE, each time, i was told to try IVF. um, with 7 m/c's under my belt, i was looking for m/c specialist. of the two name brand universities i went to, the "specialist" was marginal. (you're not in my state, so no worries for you to get these people.) so when the last RE told me getting pregnant was worth something, that was a relief and information i needed to hear. <br />i had tried: blood thinners, baby aspirin, hormones, supplements, husband and me tested for everything - physical issues, sperm tests, genetic tests. all normal. in between i had d/c's and natural m/c's.<br /><br />the best part of trying those extra things is to know that i TRIED and thought about them. then i'd move on. now i know what i'm comfortable with or not. i did not try IVF for the reasons that i did get pregnant.<br /><br />as for the next suggestion - donor something or another. i'm a bit squeamish about that, but i know friends who used donors (eggs, sperm, or both) and they are happy, normal families. <br /><br />ultimately, we got so lucky. once pregnant, i told my dr. that i really needed support, nothing extreme. (nurturing, emotional support is one of the best "therapies" for recurrent m/c's.) so that's what i got. i switched from the super large research clinic back to a regular ob after the first few weeks. u/s every month. no blood tests after the first 2 hcgs (she said the anxiety waiting was worse for women than the test, so she'd use u/s.) freedom to call and make next day appts. i hardly did, except when i caught what i thought was h1n1. <br /><br />i think being open with people, shows strength in itself. had i known what i know now? i may not have been so private about my m/c's. when i finally started telling my friends, yes, i got plenty of "adoption", "donor" and "just relax" remarks. but i also had friends offer sympathy and support too. if people can just listen, that helps a lot. the questions, no matter how odd or personal, actually were good. they made me think, and even the thoughtless questions were never truly malicious. <br /><br />the very worst comment ever? on gal said "you have to really want children to have them." !!! i shed tears over that, and later, the husband of the gal was apologetic. he said she was clueless and he talked to her, even before knowing my personal health history!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19133339.post-58341595271109543272010-06-17T19:05:16.502-04:002010-06-17T19:05:16.502-04:00Excuse me if this is an ignorant question, but is ...Excuse me if this is an ignorant question, but is it certain that you will miscarry? I don't remember reading what exactly is wrong with this pregnancy other than low HCG levels. I know low HCG isn't good, but it isn't 100% predictive of a bad outcome, right? I hope I haven't stuck my oar where it doesn't belong.Mel @ ThePreconceptionisthttp://preconceptionist.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19133339.post-22636342588493551402010-06-16T21:18:05.466-04:002010-06-16T21:18:05.466-04:00Oh man the 'have you considered adoption?'...Oh man the 'have you considered adoption?' question. I HATE it. If I have got this far, of course I have CONSIDERED it. That doesn't mean I want to CHOOSE it, and my reasons are my own and I don't have to justify them to anyone (though for people here, I will say that they include the large potential for emotional heartache that I'm not willing to risk). <br /><br />Have those 'well meaning people' considered NOT STICKING THEIR OAR IN?<br /><br />I too, have tried gently to educate the well wishers, of my long and sorry recurrent pregnancy loss, and what we have tried, and what we are willing to try next, and what we are not willing to consider. It peeves me when most of them don't want to accept that I have accepted I may not be a parent, and they go ahead and judge me for 'not trying hard enough' because I'm not trying all the options they are presenting.<br /><br />Well, excuse me, but if you'd like to walk in MY shoes for seven years, then I'll be quite happy to hear you out. As it is, I'M the one with the suffering, and YOU are the one on the cosy sidelines throwing me what you think is a bone. <br /><br />Well-wishers, I do not need your advice, your opinion on my medical condition or your judgement/criticism of my choices. Zip it. If you would SINCERELY like to offer me help and support, then all you need to say is "Gee, you really have had a rough time of it, I am so sorry. I really have no idea what it must be like for you. I'm always hear to listen if you need to vent" <br /><br />Why is that SO difficult to do?<br /><br />LOL. Looks like you pushed my button there!<br /><br />By the way - I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time of it, and I AM here to listen anytime you want to vent!! xxPanamahathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10248512242594265755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19133339.post-25934335488210323272010-06-16T13:47:19.706-04:002010-06-16T13:47:19.706-04:00My cousin asked me that same question after one of...My cousin asked me that same question after one of my many miscarriages and, because of her own path to parenthood, I didn't have the luxury of getting angry (which I would have, believe me!). She only got pregnant once but, after her miscarriage, found out she was experiencing early menopause (she was in her early 30s). They tried everything including implanting a family member's eggs but no baby. After exhausting ALL of their options they turned to adoption. Their son is now 12 and she sees her struggles to conceive as part of a grand scheme to unite their family. She said something that made me really sit up and reassess my own direction. "What is your goal? Is it to carry a full-term pregnancy or to be a mother?" Although somewhat harsh it caused me to really think about the answer. I<br /><br />While I am certain you and J will do what is best for you and your family in the long run it might not be a bad idea to broaden the scope of the journey. It doesn't mean you're giving up - just giving yourself more options to consider. I hope you get some answers soon!Ellen Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00257354072082831710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19133339.post-4380192465555040502010-06-16T13:43:25.406-04:002010-06-16T13:43:25.406-04:00I want to acknowledge how much courage and strengt...I want to acknowledge how much courage and strength it takes to persevere when you reach out and get a disappointing response. Feeling hurt or frustrated when you get the adoption question, or when a medical professional has never heard of a well-known medical specialty is totally legitimate. Taking a breath and continuing to reach out and find the support you need is hard, but it's the only way to get what you need. Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19133339.post-9093788401351689332010-06-16T12:54:14.290-04:002010-06-16T12:54:14.290-04:00I also hate that question. For a number of reasons...I also hate that question. For a number of reasons. One being that it implies that adoption is this quick cure. Guess what? There is lots of money and paperwork and work and potential HEARTBREAK in adoption too.<br /><br />Plus, as Mrs. R so eloquently explained on <a href="http://therhouse.blogspot.com/2010/01/cars-and-infertility.html" rel="nofollow">her blog</a>, adoption may be a "cure" to childlessness, but it is NOT a cure for infertility.<br /><br />So I, possibly along with you, would thank all of those "well meaning" fertile people to shut up, thank you very much.Just mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05671919237872985299noreply@blogger.com